Just here to blog about what happened recently. Here's the list. Oh ya, and also some things i forgotten to post before.
4/12: Emily's back! Didn't see her at all since that day, but i hope to see her soon! =D And there's tuition, did some sort of evaluation. had netball too..
5/12 and 7/12: Had netball again. Preparing for the match on thursday against coral sec. We won by the way. And ms cai said that i would be the first one to be dropped out of netball if a choice had to be made. Haiz.. went to seoul garden to have luch with izah, joy and vera. Then we met s. amanda at the space outside to play cards. so fun. Then went home t get ready for tkd training at tp.
9/12: decided to go to simei for extra training instead of tuition. But i think i can't go already as my mum got angry with me for doing so. So now every sat morning i have to go for A math tuition. Ate at banquet then went home. Went for tkd at night. So unlucky, had to spar with the medium and large size. Argh...
There's nothing i can do or i want to do to be in the team, for there is no more motivation. If i could just here them saying "eli nice one!", it would feel so good and act as the best boost. But all i always hear is "eli dont drop the ball, dont open your hands so big, improve on your stamina please, concentrate in the game etc. I can take it anymore, but it's just that they don't know. Everyone's improving and i can see that, but i am trying too, just that it isn't enough. All i want is either joy or farizah to be in the game with me, just once. But i always have to be with someone whom i could not communicate with. You could say that this is the best time to communicate, but when it didn't turn out well the blame is onto us. It could be my time to shine, but just that it wasn't my time to. It was easy for you all to say that everyone had an equal chance, but when we play as a team who isn't the current main 7, it doesn't work out. You could all see that, but you are just cheating yourself and us.
So what if my stamina really improves and i can fufil all of your requirements? I am still not one of the main 7, thus not getting any attention from you to say that "hey, eli is improving alot." This is a team game. Even if anyone of us who are not in the main 7 shines like the brightest star, we would still get pulled down by the rest of the team. A team is forever a team, win and lose together. But if you are always in the spotlight, it is easy for you to say so. But for those like me who never shines, it's the worse torture i could get in my entire life. My god! Please stop being hypocritical and appear that you care, cause i can never sense the care in it. I had so much passion in this game, but this passion, once the brightest star in me, is dying out fast due to all your remarks. I know i really need to improve alot, and i am really trying. Even if i say that i went running or did things to improve my stamina, i knew you would never believe me. You all would just condemn me.
I know that time is limited and i know that i could never meet all your expectations when the time comes. So i have to give it all up right now, cause i know that all my efforts would also come to a knot. I am weak, and you all know that. I get sick or pain in one way or another but you all would just say that it's because i have to really brush up on my stamina. Have you ever once search through your mind that says "eli is weak". I always never say how i am feeling like s. roxane when i am ill. I want to be there for the team, i want to be in it. I dont want to give up. The thing is that you, ms cai, always see only 1 side of everything. When i am at my best, you are never there. Who has the determination and passion you could not just judge based on your 1 sided part. I said what i wanted to say for the past 1 year. But i think they would never bother to read this. Even if they did, it would be too late, just too late..
x the ex 6/1 gathering to be successful & even happen.
x happy life.
x A CANDY MACHINE!!!(with candy inside of course)
x a brown N.U.M bag!
x a pair of shoes.
x eat durians right now..
x ipod nano mini.
x digital cam.
x nokia n73 music ed.
x netball spirit last forever..
x new sandals/slippers.
x adidas tuti fruti body spray(pink one)
x an end to all these emotional blows that come one after another.
x ROLLERBLADES.
x PSP SLIM
x sling bag.
x a big box for me to contain all the sweet lovely dovey things you people gave me. X)
x a box filled with gummies.
x that EEYORE, YES YES!
x JIGSAW PUZZLES!!
x THAT 1000piece mickey jigsaw puzzle(:
x grey jeans
x new wallet
x new pencilbox/case
x christmas presents!
x M&M's tee-shirt!
x IPA sandals
x HELL LOADS OF PUZZLES!
x vvian's op to be a huge success(:
x HOODIES!
x enlarged version of mickey
